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Old 10-11-2011, 02:16 PM   #1
Adcdfwwxa
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Default 公交车笑话全集(笑翻公交车)

公交车笑话全集(笑翻公交车)
公交IC卡
  几年前的事了,那时刚实行刷卡,车到站,上来一个高挑的女子,她的IC卡可能是放在牛仔裤后 面的兜里 ,所以一上车就把屁股往刷卡机上一*,“滴“的一声后就进车箱了,这个女子后面跟着个老大娘,个不高,她就 觉的奇怪,怎么只要屁股往那玩意上一*就能乘车了,所以她一上车就尽力掂起脚板, 使劲把屁股也往刷卡机上 *,*了几次也没成功,这时,司机发话了,“大娘,你在干吗,抓紧投币上车啊”。大娘说:那个姑娘不是把屁 股往这儿一*就能乘车了吗?呵呵,原来是这么回事,司机哭笑不得,只能跟他解释,人家姑娘用的 是IC卡, 但大娘不懂虾米叫IC卡,她仍跟司机纠缠,“你这个小伙子也太不厚道了,人家漂亮姑娘跟你撅撅屁股你就让人 家进了,我老太婆跟你撅了这么多次屁股,你反到不让我进,你到底什么意思?”,车箱里的人都笑了起来,司机 被他弄的也下不了台,只能挥挥上让她进去.
  听错了
  一个外地人拿一张50圆的票子,在售票员面前晃着:见过没?见过没 ?……
  卖票的傻了,干脆拿出一张100的Show了一下:你tmd见过没?
  最后才搞明白,那人是想去“建国门!”
  要钱
  一次乘公交车回家,上车后发现钱包里没有一元零钞,一着急,便掏出一张十元大票进投币口。后来越想越觉 得窝囊,便跟司机商量,能不能让我守在门口,将下一站乘客本应投进投币口的钱据为己有?司机同 意了。
  车很快驶到下一站,很多人争着上车,moncler stores。我挡在门口,对第一位乘客说:“把钱给我。”对方一愣:“凭啥?”三言两语也解释不请,我就说:“给我就 行了,别的不用管。”对方瞅瞅司机,司机点头默许。于是,一元钱到手。依法炮制,很快收了八个一元钱。接着 上来一位大汉,虎背熊腰,剃着板寸,露着刺青。见我拦着他,怒道:“干吗呢? 哥们儿?”我说:“一会儿再跟你说,先把钱给我。”对方眼珠子都圆了:“说啥呢?”我说:“把钱给我!”对 方张大了嘴,冲司机问:“这小子干吗的?”大汉堵在门口,后面的人上不来,而车厢里的人急着发车,所以大家 七嘴八舌地嚷起来了:“�唆什么呢!快给钱!”大汉很快瘪了下去。只见他从口袋里掏出钱包递过来,哭丧着脸 说:“老大,身上就这点钱,你们人多,我服了,moncler outerwear。“
  小偷
  某君乘公车常掉钱包,一天上车前,某君把厚厚的一叠纸折好放进信封,下车后发现信封被偷。第二天,某君 刚上车不久,觉得腰间有一硬物,摸来一看,是昨天的那个信封,信封上写着:请不要开这样的玩笑,影响正常工 作,谢谢!!
  下车
  公交车在等红灯时,一男子叫道:“司机,开一下门,我要下车。
  “这里是站牌吗?”司机怒道。
  “就因为这里不是站牌我才给你说一声 ――司机无语。
  追车
  早上赶公共汽车,到站台的时候,汽车已经启动了。于是我只好边追边喊:“师傅,等等我!师傅,等等我呀 !“这时一乘客从车窗探出头来冲我说了一句:“悟空你就别追了。”
  拉环
  一个很胖的女人上了公交车,找不到座位,只能拉着车上的拉环,不料司机一个急刹车,胖女人把拉环拉断了 ,并一下子扑到了司机面前,司机看着她和她手上的拉环,没好气的说:"集满三个,送司机签名照 一张!"
  座位
  有一个漂亮小姐,上公交车后从包里拿出纸巾使劲的擦了擦座位,正要坐下时,放了一个屁,旁边的一个先生 听到了,打趣地说:小姐真是爱卫生,擦了那么久,还要吹一下!
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Old 10-11-2011, 02:17 PM   #2
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(Reporter Mu Yi Zhao Yi correspondent ) 10 groups around the robbery, gang leader was actually a 16- year-old boy , after prosecutors in the investigation and found that their family was well off , their purpose is to rob Venting and looking for excitement . Yesterday,belstaff motorcycle jackets, reporters learned of 7 out of 10 people were Haidian Procuratorate approved the arrest on suspicion of robbery.
It is understood that these adolescents, the largest 20-year-old Liu, the youngest Renmou girls,16岁少年开价值百万车拖人40米致死后逃逸, only 15 years old, gang leader Mengmou also only 16 years old. October 2010-November 2010 In mid Mengmou proposals and under the leadership of Liu,15岁男孩砍女童35刀续:女孩伤愈后留心理阴影, Ren Mou, Yang, Liang Yijun other 10 times in the street, Haidian District, robbed passers-by Xiaoqing phone, cash.
Prosecutor describes the contractor,belstaff jackets, 10 adolescents, 6 high school students are in school,belstaff jacken, there are 9 people Beijing accounts,belstaff online, the family is basically economic conditions are good, usually do not need the money. The reason that they robbed,belstaff blouson, is to vent frustrations, thrills. They are in clubs , cafes and other places and get to know them because of common interest , and robbery are also most of the stolen money for spending splurge in the club . At present 5 cases of looting have been verified the facts, have caused minor injuries 1 2 Sometimes no.
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