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Natalie Perhus is preparing for her first prom, a








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Natalie Perhus is preparing for her first prom, a





Natalie Perhus is preparing for her first prom, a process that A-Line dresses, with shopping and tanning, starts months before the Shanley High School event.
It’s a ritual her mother, Jill Perhus, didn’t experience her junior year of high school, skipping the event as an act of rebellion. Now as a mother, the similarities between preparations for a prom and a wedding disconcert her.
Meanwhile, Lisa Marchand is readying for her senior prom at Fargo South High School. Last year, she went with a boyfriend. This year, she’ll go with a friend in what she hopes is a less extravagant event. Her mother, Naomi Marchand, had a similar experience 32 years earlier A-Line prom dresses, scaling back for her prom as a senior from Vergas Bridesmaid dresses, Minn., as the country experienced a gas crisis.
Parents and teens in the Red River Valley are in the midst of prom season � a decades-old tradition that in some ways hasn’t changed. There’s still the dress and garter, the date and flowers, dinner and dancing.
But, gauged by Natalie and Lisa’s upcoming proms, all these individual elements have grown far more elaborate in the decades between moms’ and daughters’ proms.
Both teens agree prom has become expensive Formal dresses, complicated � competitive, even. But they willingly take part in all its trappings. Both fear they’d regret it if they didn’t.
Both mothers wonder if too much focus and pressure has been put on this singular high school event, while still encouraging their daughters to attend.
“You need to, at least once in your life, have a fairytale moment, which prom is,” Naomi Marchand says.
But, she asks, has it put too much societal and financial pressure on our kids?
The Forum sat down with these two mother-daughter duos and listened as they talked to each other about their respective proms.
Jill and Natalie
Posed arm-in-arm with friends, and her date cheap Cocktail dresses, in her 1985 senior prom photo, Jill Perhus sports a knee-length, ruby-red dress with poufy short sleeves.
“It wasn’t like a big ball gown like you guys have, all fancy and stuff,” Jill tells Natalie as her daughter sees the photo for the first time. “Actually, it was a dress I’d worn for something else,” a Miss Crosby-Ironton (Minn.) pageant.
Natalie zeroes in on the details of her mother’s photo: The points of Jill’s date’s collar overlap his red bowtie. Her short, white gloves look like they have wings. Jill carries her flowers instead of wearing them on her wrist.
“When I went to prom, we didn’t do anything with limousines,” Jill says. “I didn’t have anybody do my hair. I didn’t get my nails done. I didn’t tan. I didn’t do anything.”
Jill also went to prom her sophomore year in Enderlin, N.D. Her grandparents lived in town, and a boy who lived there asked Jill. She borrowed a dress. They ate dinner at the Tower City, N.D., truck stop café.
“My junior year cheap prom dresses, my girlfriends and I felt like the whole feeling around it bothered us, that there were people that were being left out,” Jill remembers. They rebelled, and dubbed themselves “the prom rejects.” They went out to a nice dinner, like the couples, and went to the dance, but not the grand march.
That’s in stark contrast to 11th-grade Natalie, who imagines her first prom, held May 7 at Trollwood Performing Arts School Bluestem Center for the Arts in south Moorhead, will be an ideal, romantic evening with her boyfriend.
“It’s supposed to be, like, the most perfect night ever. I feel like it will be really glamorous and like a fairy tale. I’ll feel like such a princess in my dress,” Natalie says. “I think it will be really magical.”
“I guess I kind of agree with Natalie that it is a special night,” Jill says. “They have to be concentrating on school and everything else, so to have that one night to celebrate friendships and themselves and looking beautiful.
“For me, it’s a night to celebrate. That was the same when I was growing up, except it wasn’t as elaborate. I feel it’s ridiculous how much money some people spend.”
But, the Perhuses are spending it. Natalie’s dress � a strapless lime-green full-skirted ball gown with sequins and beading � cost more than they’d agreed on. Jill is making Natalie cover the difference by deducting her spending allowance.
Jill notes Natalie’s prom dress cost more than her own wedding dress. It’s not the only bridal comparison analogy she sees.
Natalie talks about the elaborate ways boys ask girls to prom, planned and executed like marriage proposals.
One friend spelled out “Prom?” in hundreds of Starburst candies on his would-be date’s bed. She’s heard of the one-word question being asked via candles in the snow, on a restaurant dessert plate and on a sticky note on the bottom of the guy’s shoe.
“You have to ask cute,” Natalie says.
And there’s the professional photos, the grand march down an “aisle” of sorts, and in general, the months of planning for one day.
“When we went to look for the dress, I could tell and I could feel that in your heart you were giving yourself a little glimpse at what it will be like when you get married,” Jill tells Natalie. “For me, I didn’t feel that.”
Natalie recognizes that in her mother’s description of that 1985 prom.
“I think it was really simple, but still special. Which is cool,” Natalie says. “But everything’s bigger nowadays. Everything has to be. Everybody’s always wanting more of everything all the time. And I think that shows in prom.”
Lisa and Naomi
Naomi Marchand went to prom with the same date in 1978 and ’79, but had two different experiences.
Her junior year at the Frazee-Vergas, Minn., High School, she purchased her white flowing frock out of a catalogue, maybe Montgomery Ward, she says. Her date rented a powder-blue tux from Norby’s department stores, and drove a brown Chrysler Cordoba.
The next year, she made her dress and he bought a suit. “We decided to go economical,” she says.
More than 20 years later, Lisa is also trying to follow a more economical path for her senior prom this Saturday.
“Last year, I paid almost $400 for my dress, which is crazy. I worked to earn that. I got the expensive shoes and I got my hair done and I had my dress altered,” Lisa says. She and her friends rented a trolley and went out to eat.
“I was hoping this year not to go all out,” she says. “Easily, between both people, you can spend $1,000.”
But she spent more on her red, ruffled, mermaid-cut dress this year. The group she’s going with is eating before the dance at the HoDo in downtown Fargo. But a family friend is altering the dress. Another friend made her corsage and boutonniere for about half the cost, and will also do Lisa’s hair.
“I think the fact that you’re paying for everything makes you think twice, versus when a parent pays for it all,” Naomi tells her daughter. “Because I paid for everything, too.”
The pay arrangement was a conscious parenting decision cheap long prom dresses, Naomi says, but also a simple matter of family economics. “There’s other things we need to put our money towards Cocktail dresses,” Naomi says.
Lisa understands that, especially with a trip to France planned for this summer. And, frankly, she’s done the prom thing.
“You know what to expect, it wasn’t that fantastic. We spent maybe 20 minutes on the dance floor,” she says. “Post-prom is the best part for me.”
But among her Fargo South classmates (much like Natalie’s at Shanley), prom is what everyone is talking about.
“Once second semester rolls around, that’s pretty much the topic of conversation,” Lisa says. “That and college.”
Lisa talks about the pressure put on prom-goers: to find the perfect dress and perfect date. To eat at the right restaurant and go with a good group.
“I think back then, there was still pressure to look beautiful,” Naomi says of her prom. “I don’t think it was nearly as competitive and cutthroat.”
Lisa even sees a difference between her and her brother’s prom 10 years ago. The dresses weren’t as glitzy. People just drove their own cars.
“Overall I think that prom is a wonderful time for kids in high school, because they do get the chance to dress up and feel beautiful or handsome for the night. I just hope people don’t totally lose sight of what it’s about. It’s one of your final bonding experiences with your classmates before you leave,” Lisa says.
She imagines that’s what her mom’s prom was like, at the Holiday Inn in Detroit Lakes, Minn. cheap Wedding dresses, with a buffet dinner and a live band playing “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas.
“I picture it almost being more fun than now because you guys were more laid-back about it,” Lisa tells her mother.
“It was just one night. You had fun with it,” Naomi says. “The hype now, I don’t think you can ever meet those expectations.”






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